A 66-year-old continues to struggle with forgotten appointments. She not only feels bad for the person on the other end, she wants to break the pattern. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
As I am getting older (mid-60s), appointments occasionally slip my mind and I am not very disciplined about writing them on my calendar. Luckily, medical appointments come with email or phone reminders.
However, my hairstylist does not do reminder calls (and I don’t expect her to).
I have forgotten appointments several times in the past year and just realized I missed another one recently. For the previous ones I tipped her double, offered to pay for the missed appointment or brought her coffee and a donut.
But now I am so embarrassed that it happened again and I’m not sure what to do. Should I call to make another appointment or just slink away to another salon? Should I pay for forgotten appointments even if she says it’s no big deal? Send her an email acknowledging my error and leave it up to her to call me and reschedule or “fire” me from her services?
– Foiled Again
Dear Foiled:
Don’t give up on this relationship just yet. Paying for the time you reserved is a good start. Even if she was able to slot another client in, it’s still a good faith gesture that acknowledges you understand the economics of her business model and don’t take her for granted.
When scheduling again, you can also be up front about the memory issues you’re experiencing and propose a new way of working together that can help you keep track of the appointments. For instance, you could ask her, “if you remember, when I schedule, could you remind me to put it in my calendar?” Or you could see about the possibility of booking a series of appointments and writing them all down at the same time.
Though you feel embarrassed, try not to beat yourself up too much. Yes, it’s inconvenient for her (and for you). But it’s not completely within your control. On your own, consider making adjustments to your habits that will help you better keep track of important events. Talk to your doctor about the memory slips and ask for guidance on how to remedy or cope with them. It might also be helpful to write a note next to the hair appointment that reads, “remember to write down the next appointment before you leave.” Little accommodations can go a long way.
Reader idea on avoiding forgotten appointments
Dear Eric:
Regarding the person who wrote to you about forgotten appointments due to memory issues (“Foiled Again”), I too started experiencing this, especially after I retired and wasn’t facing a screen displaying an e-calendar all day anymore.
After a few embarrassing incidents, I realized that if I didn’t write things down, they likely wouldn’t happen. I decided to buy a diary/calendar book.
I made it fun by looking at a lot of different styles. The most important characteristics were that it was attractive, fun to write in, and small enough to fit in my bag. I splurged and chose a 5″x7″ black leather book with gold embossed designs on the cover, stickers, tabs for each month, pages showing full months, as well as individual days, and three different bookmarks or placeholders. I use only pencil in the book because things change a lot!
I keep it close at all times, not only to write down appointments, but also to help with scheduling recurring activities (when was my last hair or dentist appointment?), and to remind myself of upcoming events. On days when I don’t have anything scheduled, I like to note whatever activities took place that day: grocery, bank, post office, etc.
The diary has been invaluable and fun to use, so there is no shame in my game! We all need a little help now and again.
– 66 in California
Dear 66:
A paper calendar is a great idea; I particularly like that you did the work to make it visually appealing. Others suggested depending on reminders and calendar features on a smartphone (there’s even a feature on most phones that will show a reminder when you return to a location, like a hair salon). Others suggested always keeping the same day/time for appointments. All great. The takeaway is that sometimes the memory doesn’t work like we want and so it behooves us all to find the solutions that work for us.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
Find more advice like avoiding forgotten appointments, such as a grandmother’s gifting gripes, insensitive parents, and a husband’s mid-life crisis
Boomer Advice for Life department
For more advice targeted to senior adults and their families – such as caregiving, grandparenting, and retirement communities
