As older adults plan a move to a new residence, they may be looking for their “forever home.” Just what does that mean? When Marvin Weinbaum made such a move, he learned more about the implications for aging in place.
“Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and you grow old wanting to get back to.” – John Pearce
In the constant struggle between head and heart, the outcome of our decisions is unpredictable and sometimes surprising. A perfect example of this was reflected in the decision to purchase our current home. Let me explain.
After fleeing the wildfires in California, my wife and I arrived in Denver almost four years ago. At 78, uprooting ourselves and moving halfway across the country was challenging, an event we hoped not to repeat. So, we began our real estate search with the idea of purchasing our forever home.
After several months of searching, we came upon not our forever home but rather our dream home. A big house, elegant and well-constructed, a modern kitchen with high-end appliances, a patio garden, high ceilings … our dream.
We bid, crossed our fingers, and now it’s ours. We were thrilled, but we will almost certainly have to move again. Gasp. No fun.
What makes a good forever home as we age?
Let’s examine the reasons another move is likely, viewed in the context of what ingredients comprise a forever home:
Size
Our current house is big and we enjoy having our individual spaces. That said, as we get older and our lives grow smaller, all that extra space will become not so much a blessing but more a burden. It will be too big for us, and much too big for whichever of us will end up alone for years to come. Size matters and downsizing can be liberating.
Financial
On several occasions, over the course of many years, we purchased homes above our budget. We stretched our means. That said, in retirement and on fixed incomes, it is important to remain within one’s budget, particularly in the likelihood of unanticipated expenses for health contingencies. A big house is a financial burden; your forever home needs to be within your budget.
Accessibility
Our house has stairs everywhere. Since we are currently both mobile, this is a good thing for our knees and heart. Down the road they will become a challenge. At the very least, a forever home should eliminate stairs if possible, and have access to a bedroom on street level, or an elevator. Attractive features would include wider doorways and walk-in showers. Sadly, our house has none of these features.
Buy or rent
Formulas exist that help identify the financial implications of buying versus renting. The decision is situational and personal and complex; each option comes with advantages and disadvantages. The guidance of a trusted financial planner is well advised.
Community
We love our community. It combines suburban beauty and quiet charm, in close proximity to a thriving urban center that is rich in diversity and stimulation. It is close to excellent medical services. Walkability, as the real-estate community phrases it, is a non-negotiable for our forever home. Others love the quiet and spaciousness of a rural life. Choosing one’s community is a unique and individual decision. The key: feeling comfortable in your environment and the people within it.
Health
We purchased our dream home and in doing so made a bet on ourselves, hopeful for a long stretch of good health. Should the health profile change radically for either of us, the need for assisted living, memory care, or nursing care could well emerge. We view that extra level of care as “situational” and beyond the requirements for our forever home. That said, our thinking and conversations include such possibilities.
Family
At the moment we live in very close proximity to our extended family. That, for us, is a huge plus, and in any search for our forever home we will want to maintain that proximity. This is likely true for many people searching for their forever home, though “proximity” will be defined differently for each searcher.
Summary
Your forever home should reflect your values, be adaptable to evolving needs, provide you with comfort, safety, and a supportive community. It should lend itself to a simple life, one where the future feels manageable.
Marvin Weinbaum is a senior life coach and columnist. He writes about aging with purpose, dignity, curiosity and resilience, translating insights into practical guidance for everyday life. Feel free to send your questions to marvin@coachweinbaum.com.
