A new retiree can feel unmoored, having lost connections to routines that once filled their days. Retiree Marian Underdahl has realized the importance of setting anchors in life, especially after retirement.
Having grown up on a small lake, I appreciate the value of a solid anchor. One morning, I woke up to find my dad out in his little motorboat pulling our dock back that broke anchor after a windstorm the night before. We need anchors in our lives as well. Particularly in retirement.
Anchors secure boats and keep them steady. They provide stability and keep things from swaying off course. We anchor anything that we don’t want to drift away. One of the challenges with retirement is that it does not have many built-in anchors anymore, so we need to create them.
Cutting anchors
Prior to retirement, we had some natural anchors that gave our lives meaning and purpose. Anchors that kept us rooted.
My job was one of those anchors. Going to work five days a week set a schedule that gave my day structure. It provided a steady paycheck, a title, and an office with my name on it to take my coffee to every morning. It gave me purpose and meaning. Then, in those few minutes it took to walk out the door for the last time, the anchor was abruptly cut loose. After the euphoria of being free wore off, I started to drift. Days can blur together without the familiar rhythm of work. Most retirees, at some point, feel a little unmoored and unsure of where to focus their time and energy. Too young to be set out to pasture, we ask, “what next?”
Not only had I retired, but just prior to that, my children had all finished college and flown the nest to pursue their own lives. Having children fills your life up with meaning and purpose. Their friends, schedules, and needs become yours. Then they leave home and those anchors are cut. One day you are helping them fill out college applications and the next you find yourself sitting in their empty bedroom with a few sports posters still tacked on the walls, crying. And you wonder, what am I going to do with my life now?
The two major anchors of work and active parenting had been cut. Two of the huge parts of my life that gave it structure and meaning were gone. What would anchor my life now?
Dropping new anchors in life
What do we do when we retire and we don’t have our work to anchor us anymore? What about when our children leave home and active parenting is no longer an anchor to our lives? We find new anchors to give our lives stability, meaning, and purpose. If we don’t, we can easily get lost at sea.
Just like a ship relies on multiple anchors to stay safe during a storm, retirees benefit from having several personal anchors. The beauty of it is, we get to set our own anchors in retirement. We decide what shapes our day or week. The important thing is that we establish a few anchors that give our retirement life a framework that keeps us centered. Establishing a daily or weekly routine helps retirees maintain a sense of structure and accomplishment. Here are a few examples of solid things we could put on our calendar to anchor our retired life:
- Maintaining a morning routine. Maybe it is having coffee and reading the paper when you first get up. My husband and I meet up for coffee almost every morning at 7:30 a.m. It is our time to touch base and discuss our plans for the day.
- Regular self-care. It can be yoga, cycling, strength training, swimming, walking, or going to the gym. You get to decide. Just make sure it is something you can do on a routine basis. To be an anchor, it must be a routine part of your schedule.
- Group activities. Join a group activity that meets weekly, or even a couple times a month. These provide structure and social connection. Book clubs, Mahjong, an “old man’s” coffee group, a garden club, golf, or pickleball are a few popular examples.
- Volunteering. Committing to regular volunteer activities fulfills a need for social interaction and provides that deep satisfaction that comes from giving of yourself to help others.
- Meals. Taking a specific time of day to prepare and eat a meal at the table adds a punctuation mark to your day. Make it regular and intentional, even if you live alone. It doesn’t need to be every meal. Just one meal each day where you don’t eat standing at the fridge.
- A regular T.V. show. Maybe it is the news, or a weekly reality show that you look forward to. Of course, T.V. can be a slippery slope when you have several hours free, so make it intentional and not just filling time.
Anchors of the heart
There are activities you put on your calendar that anchor your week and then there are things that anchor your heart. These are the ones that will hold you when the wind picks up and storms blow in and we get off course. Here are a few things that can anchor your heart:
- Home. A comfortable, cozy home is a physical shelter for our hearts. So, we need to take the time to create a home that holds us well. A place that we look forward to being in or coming back to.
- Family. Routine gatherings with people we love keep relationships healthy, add depth, and help anchor our lives. These are the people that you know have your back and will hold your heart. Maybe it is a physical visit or meeting via Facetime with family members every week just to stay in touch with each other’s lives.
- Friends. Oh, how we need them at this point in life. The younger ones keep us abreast of new terms and technology. They keep us youthful and energized. The older ones keep us wise and aware of how precious every day is. They understand the joys and challenges of whatever phase of life we are in. They help us laugh at ourselves, because aging requires a sense of humor with someone who “gets it.”
- Personal hobbies. Hobbies foster creativity and provide that necessary sense of accomplishment. They fill your heart with happiness and satisfaction. Consider things you can do alone that fill you up inside, such as journaling, reading, knitting, or woodworking. The list is endless.
- Care for the soul. Spiritual practices can be different for everyone. The important thing is that you take time to nurture your soul. Anchor your heart to what keeps you steady and strong.
Setting your anchors in life
Once you drop an anchor, you must set it. If you drop the anchor without setting it, the shift in the waters may move it. To set a literal anchor, you lower it down and then pull backwards gently to dig the anchor into the ground below the water. Isn’t this true of life as well? If we don’t embed activities and people into our routine, then they drift away. They do not stick. Think about the anchors you want in your life and then take the time and effort to make them part of your routine.
Our anchors change over time. Some remain steady; others shift as life changes. I used to spend Thursdays having lunch, running errands, and visiting with my dad and sister. That anchor ended when my dad passed away. Now I care for my youngest grandson on Mondays, though that routine will also end when he starts preschool. As familiar anchors fall away, it helps to look for new ones to weave into your life.
Consider your anchors
Anchors are a necessary part of a happy, healthy retirement. They bring purpose and rhythm back into our days. What anchors did you cut when you retired? What activities, relationships, or routines could serve as your new anchors? Start small. Explore what brings you joy and fulfillment. Setting anchors help us feel balanced, grounded, and purposeful in this next chapter.
Cheers to the retirement years!
