Not everyone likes to have their picture taken, but nearly everyone in this camera-happy world is eager to take and share photos. What are camera-shy people to do? Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I have a problem with our camera-happy world. Plain and simple: I do not photograph well. Candids are the worst offenders, but my attempts to find an attractive facial expression for posed photography have failed miserably.
In the age of smartphones, everyone is a photographer. Although I request that I not be photographed, I am often included in group photos at wedding receptions, birthday parties, and neighborhood get-togethers. Yes, cellphone cameras often capture me raising a hand to block the lens or walking away. And, no, that’s not funny.
Over the years, I’ve shifted from dread to avoidance of social events that I’d otherwise enjoy. This is a boundary issue for me. How can I get people to respect my right not to be photographed? I know that I’m not alone in feeling this is a breach of privacy.
– Camera-Unfriendly Reader
Dear Reader:
I’m curious how often your wishes are being disobeyed intentionally versus unintentionally. That is to say, even before the advent of cellphone cameras, it was custom to take photographs of groups at social gatherings. In those situations, we can’t always control the candids in which we appear. You can wear a large button that reads “No Photographs” but you still may end up in the background.
Where are you coming across these photos? Are you being tagged on social media? You can control what you see, to an extent, by changing your social media settings so that no one can tag you or by telling people not to share the photos they took with you. If you don’t know the photo exists, it may not bother you as much.
Some of this is about self-love and acceptance. I’m sure you’ve heard before that often the way we look to ourselves doesn’t always match up to the way other people see us. That may be a cold comfort, but it’s important to remember that you’re being invited to these gatherings because your friends and loved ones want you there.
They take pictures of you because they appreciate your presence and want to remember you as you are. Again, you don’t have to submit to photos if you don’t want to. But remember that not everyone is seeing what you’re seeing in these photos. Some people are seeing only a person that they love and want to have around.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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