Two widowed seniors have connected and are ready to move in together, but he doesn’t want her dog to live in his house. Should she choose her dog or the partner? Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
My special friend and I are in our late 70’s and have lost our long-time spouses. We are blessed to have found each other on a hiking trip and for two years have been inseparable.
His family loves me and I love his family. Recently he has asked me to sell my house and move in with him.
So, what is the problem? I have a small dog, only five years old and house trained, and I enjoy him and our long walks together. When Gary and I travel, I leave my dog with a good friend that I have known for 30 years.
Gary does not want a dog in his house and has casually commented that maybe I could give him to my friend if I move in with him. I am torn; I love my little dog but would like to live the rest of my life with Gary. Is there a solution to this conundrum?
– Out of the Dog House
Dear House:
Not to get too hung up on terminology, but if you were to sell your house and move in with Gary, it would be your home, too. So, while Gary may not want a dog in his home, you do want a dog in your home, and his wants shouldn’t supersede yours. You should be able to define home as together.
Moving in with a partner requires a lot of compromises and creative solutions. But it’s a time when you get to merge your lives and see what new thing you can create together. That doesn’t necessarily mean that Gary has to become man’s best friend’s best friend all of a sudden, but it shouldn’t be off the table.
Unless there’s a financial imperative for you, it may not be in your best interest to sell your home. What’s stopping you from keeping your home and your dog while spending more time at Gary’s – provided you can continue to arrange suitable dog sitting when you’re there? This way you don’t begin this new phase of your relationship grappling with a loss and can fully enjoy the deepening relationship you’re building.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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