Although this guest doesn’t expect hosts to cater to their medical dietary restrictions at the holidays, these hosts often make special dishes anyway. How can they turn down food that might be harmful without being rude? Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I had a pancreas transplant in 2018. Due to this, along with celiac disease, I’m on a very restricted and medically controlled diet. There are very few things I can safely eat. However, I find during the holidays people attempt to make me special food during parties and get-togethers.
I normally do not eat at other people’s homes due to food preparations and sanitary concerns for my transplant, as well as not being able to verify a gluten-free environment when the food was made.
How should I handle when people bring food to these gatherings or mention that they made me something special? I don’t want to be rude because I know it was done in love, but I also don’t want to get sick or risk cross contamination. How should I respond without hurting someone’s feelings?
– Medically Compromised
Dear Medically Compromised:
You and your medical team are the experts on keeping yourself healthy and safe. So, don’t be afraid to be clear with friends about what you will and won’t do. If bruised feelings occur, those friends may not be listening to nor believing you in the way that they need to, so the onus is on them.
When talking about your practices regarding food, frame them as universal, rather than personal, and non-negotiable. “It’s so thoughtful of you to make me something. But I can’t eat anything outside of the home because there are too many variables. It’s not about you; I would eat it if I could and I appreciate the thought.”
In some cases, it can be helpful to let your hosts know in advance, perhaps when you’re RSVPing. “For the ease of your planning, I wanted to remind you that I don’t eat outside of the home for medical reasons. So, no need to prepare anything for me. But don’t worry: I’ll have a wonderful time regardless.”
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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