A couple has been helping the husband’s 90-year-old mother, but the mother’s care is leading to financial ruin for them. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
My 90-year-old mother-in-law has been in cognitive decline for a while. In December, her physical state went downhill quickly, and it fell to me to find her an assisted living facility so she can have 24/7 care. I found it was no easy task.
I have been filling out paperwork for two months trying to get her medical assistance because the facility is $8,500 each month. During this time, I found that the normally excellent Medicare she has yearly been advised to sign up for has changed. Some slick salesperson sold her another plan, and she was cut off from rehab care.
Her medical bills now total more than $16,000, and her monthly prescriptions run $386. My husband and I have wiped out our liquid savings of $60,000 helping to support her for the past nine years.
We don’t want to touch our retirement savings because we will face penalties and taxes. And we’d like to retire next year ourselves because we are 67. Yet now we face the fact that we will need to continue our teaching jobs and most likely each get a second job to cover what we can for her.
As a slap in the face, I found out she met someone on the internet, and she spent her savings of $42,000 sending him money in a scam. And it wasn’t a real person, just a scammer in a foreign country. I have pent-up anger and resentment that we won’t be able to retire and live our lives because of her. Please talk some sense into me.
– Angry DIL
Dear DIL:
Before you touch your retirement, take a step back and talk to a financial adviser and an attorney if you haven’t already. Obviously, the situation as it stands is not sustainable. You need someone on the outside to help you work through other options.
First, you’ll want to make sure you’re doing everything to ensure a stable future for yourselves.
Secondly, if you’re not already your mother-in-law’s financial power of attorney, make that change, then talk to a professional about her financial situation, her debt, and its impact on her estate.
These conversations could open up new avenues for you, or, at the very least, help you navigate your mother-in-law’s medical and financial journey without getting completely wiped out.
Related: Insights and resources for paying for senior communities
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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