After a full day at work, this 70-year-old people person needs quiet alone time, but she’s concerned that to love people she should avoiding rejecting them. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
It feels like so many people are very lonely ever since the pandemic. I love having friends, but I am an older lady (70) and still working a very physical job while being mobility challenged.
I meet lots of people every day. I am the chatty type who likes everyone, but it seems like people are desperate for friendship in the world right now.
I am just exhausted by the end of the day; there isn’t a lot of time or energy left for me to socialize. I am also one of those people who needs peace and quiet at the end of the day to let my brain recharge.
Wonderful people keep asking if I want to meet them here or there or go do things here or there, people that I have just met.
I am always honest and try to explain that I have limited funds and work long hours and just don’t go out much at all but if they want to text or email, we can keep in touch. I think it is better to be honest with them than have them constantly inviting me out and letting them get hurt by not accepting. I can always see how lonely these strangers are, and I know they are good people, but I am literally exhausted most of the time and desperately need rest and quiet by the time I get home.
What can I say to sweet people to tell them that I would like to be friends, but I am not in a physical or mental state to go places and spend money I don’t have? I want everyone to be happy and have company and friends, but I can’t do more than I am now. I am just so tired and they look so sad. Tell me what to say so they don’t think I am rejecting them?
– Old and Tired but Love People
Dear Love People:
Wow, you sound refreshingly empathetic. Kudos to you and your kind heart. Empathy is in woefully short supply these days (it’s one of the reasons I phrase the answers in the column the way I do). It’s important to remember, however, that though you can feel for people and want their problems to improve, it’s not your responsibility to fix said problems. Sometimes a kind chat in passing or even a smile is enough to turn someone’s lonely day around. So, grant yourself a little grace, knowing that your presence, even momentarily, is making a difference.
If you feel the need to explain yourself, giving the explanation that you’re already giving is sufficient. “I would love to spend time out, but I just don’t have the physical or mental energy. I appreciate you asking.” This might also put others at ease who worry that you’re lonely and in need of company.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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