After losing weight from a medical treatment, a woman was shamed by strangers for being too skinny. She asks advice columnist Eric Thomas for guidance, though the ones needing guidance may be the strangers.
Dear Eric:
I struggle with a post-surgical medical condition that has required me to be on IV nutrition daily and I have lost a considerable amount of weight. I do enjoy food, but I cannot eat much.
I was happy to attend a cookout and meet folks in my community, but I was overwhelmed by strangers telling me that I needed to eat.
I brought a dish and I loved tasting a bit of everything that was offered, and I welcomed the opportunity to meet my neighbors. I’m grateful I’m feeling well enough to socialize.
Several women who I had never met cornered me and said that I was too skinny and I needed to eat more.
I said I was enjoying the food and the company, but they wouldn’t let it go. Two of them filled a plate, placed it in front of me and told me to eat. I said, “No thank you. I’ve enjoyed what I have eaten.”
They kept pushing me, saying I was too skinny and I looked like a gangly young boy (I’m a 54-year-old woman), but I knew if I pushed myself to eat, I would be sick.
I continued to say, “No thank you,” but they kept going on about how bad my body looked so I left before I started to cry.
Should I have told them about my medical history? I feel as though politely declining extra food should have been sufficient and I don’t feel as though I need to disclose my condition to defend myself.
I would love to be more active in my community as I get stronger, but I don’t have the constitution to handle body shaming and being shamed by strangers. I don’t need to be told that I am underweight. I am well aware of it and I struggle every day.
– Skinny and Hungry
Dear Skinny and Hungry:
Those women may have thought they had good intentions, but they were bullying you and you didn’t owe them anything more than the response you gave. Even if you didn’t have a medical condition, they don’t have any right to goad you into eating more. One plate at a cookout is not going to meaningfully impact your weight. And it’s outrageous that strangers think they can offer unsolicited advice on another person’s body.
Don’t let their shocking lack of boundaries keep you away from social gatherings. Hopefully the other people in your community have better manners. If these strangers approach you again, you can be firm and clear, “your comments about my body aren’t welcome and I won’t tolerate any more.”
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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