After 50 years of friendship, a woman is tired of the personal questions her nosy friend asks repeatedly, two in particular. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I have a friend I have known since college. We are both 70. She asks personal questions that hurt me. There are two that really bother me, and I would like to know how to respond.
I have struggled with my weight for years. She constantly tells me to take Ozempic or have weight-loss surgery. It hurts my feelings a lot. I would never consider giving her any advice, especially this kind. She is thin. My cardiologist is against any weight-loss drugs.
The second inquiry is that she continues to ask me how much I inherited from my parents. I worked for 45 years. She worked for 20. She is married to a successful man. I have been married twice but am single now and have always supported myself. I own my own home. How do I address this?
– Tired of Nosiness
Dear Tired:
Directness is your best friend here. You should probably address each issue separately, so that the conversation doesn’t become derailed by your friend feeling like you’re piling on complaints. Start with the weight-loss comments. Using “I” statements, let her know what you will and won’t put up with. For instance, “I don’t want to talk about my weight or any potential solutions for weight loss anymore. In the past you’ve made suggestions, and I know your heart is in the right place, but I feel hurt by them. Would you please stop?”
You don’t have to debate this or give any other explanation. If she brings it up again, remind her, “I told you this makes me uncomfortable. I won’t talk about it with you and if you can’t respect that, we can’t talk.”
With the inheritance, try something in the moment. The next time she asks you, tell her “the answer isn’t going to change no matter how many times you bring it up. I’m not discussing it, and I’d like you to drop it.”
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and author of “Congratulations, The Best Is Over!” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
For more like this advice on dealing with a nosy friend check out the Boomer Advice for Life department and more wisdom in Seniors Guide, like fear of uncertainty, disrespectful cemetery staff, and chaotic housemates.