“Needing help is not the same as losing independence,” says senior life coach Marvin Weinbaum. Accept help, because the right assistance can extend the ability to live well. Weinbaum explores the options.
Most of us share two simple wishes: We want to live a long life, and we want to live it well. Many of us are on a path to achieve these goals through scientific advances and accessible medical care, good nutrition and active, healthy lifestyles, and family and community support systems. The lucky among us can reach our 70s, 80s and beyond. Hopefully, we remain independent for decades.
Having achieved these goals, we may reach a point where we need some help. Live long enough and you, or a loved one, will almost certainly reach that point. And – this is key – needing help is not thesame as losing independence.
Indeed, getting the right level of help, at the right time, is likely the best path toward extending independent living.
Let’s look into the issues that surround searching for, selecting, evaluating, and transitioning into“assisted living” in all its seasons. This overview is meant only to trigger a conversation, best engaged now, before a crisis is upon us.
Recognize the need
Falls, chronic fatigue, missed medications, the neglect of personal hygiene, disorientation. The signs of decline vary widely but are observable and point to a variety of interventions. Often, the aging adult isthe last to observe that there is a problem. “I’m fine, stop worrying” is not a solution; denial is not an option.
Have the conversation
“That’s it! You can’t keep driving” is a bad start to a conversation. “Let’s figure out how to keep yousafe” is much better. Hard as it might be, you must begin the conversation – with your spouse, your aging parent, or your friend. No one goes this path alone. And the conversation should begin now, before a crisis occurs, when it is too late. If necessary, script your opening comments. Practice them.
Launch the conversation and the process will flow. Discuss options, finances, locations, advantages. Dispel stereotypes.
Accept help: understand and explore the major options
Senior life options change as we change. Know the main choices so you can accept help that works for you or your loved one.
Home care
Perfect if you wish to stay in your home. You bring in the right help, at the right time, for as long as you need it.
Independent living
These tend to be private apartments or cottages. Typically, these communities for independent seniors offer multiple dining options and provide housekeeping, maintenance, social actives, fitness classes, etc. They are meant to extend a life lived fully. They provide no medical oversight, no personal assistance.
Assisted living
This next step is for individuals requiring more personal assistance – bathing, dressing, and managing medications and mobility issues. They offer a private apartment or room, caregivers (typically non-medical) on site 24/7; they provide meals, housekeeping, laundry, activities. Thisis for individuals who need personal assistance with previously routine tasks, who are physically“slowing down,” who have become less mobile.
Skilled nursing facilities
These facilities have more trained medical professionals on site. They typically provide temporary nursing and rehabilitation following an illness, injury, or hospitalization, although many also offer long-term residential care. Admission requires a medical need for the facility’s level of care; Medicare, Medicare Advantage or private insurance coverage may require eligibility and authorization requirements.
Memory care facilities
These facilities are designed for patient safety, care, and comfort, always considering the specific needs of people with memory challenges. Memory care is about providing a safe, supportive system that meets the patient’s changing needs.
Some questions to be asked at all levels of care
How do we decide what level of help is right? We observe, we communicate, we research and investigate, we visit, we ask questions. It’s complex and challenging. Be prepared to do the hard and necessary work. And don’t make the mistake of assuming that your decision is permanent. Our needs can change. The right solution at 78 may not be the right solution at 88.
- Regarding costs, ask what’s included and what’s available but for an added What, if any, is the buy-in fee? What are monthly and ongoing fees?
- Ask to see a schedule of activities, menus, and services such as meals, transportation, laundry, etc.
- Walk around, everywhere, and at different times of the
- Write down your questions in advance of the visit(s).
These questions and this overview are meant only to start you thinking and talking about the issue of senior living, in all its complexity. And the time to start is now.
Living long is a gift. Living well is a goal. And sometimes, knowing when to ask for a little help is part of achieving both.
