Lifestyle Small Talk As a Lifetime Skill 6/25/2024 | By Donna Brody Meeting strangers in new settings – we face unfamiliar situations throughout life, even after retirement. Knowing how to engage in small talk can make these situations less stressful and even more enjoyable. Writer Donna Brody offers ideas for engaging in small talk, a skill that can get rusty. Perhaps it’s my years of experience as an adult educator that has led people to tell me I could probably carry on a conversation with a wooden post. Semester after semester of introducing myself and trying to engage new students has made it easy for me to start a conversation with almost anyone anywhere anytime. For others, though, this is far from the case. Large numbers of people approach social interactions with profound dread because of the deep feelings of anxiety new people and new situations invoke. Older adults are not immune from this anxiety simply because they have been around for many years. In fact, some seniors may suddenly find themselves experiencing a myriad of new social situations following a change in circumstances like the death of a spouse, a divorce, a move to a new location, or even receiving treatment for a chronic illness. Suddenly, an ability to make small talk takes on new importance. In a study on American’s opinions on small talk, up to 70 per cent of adults say they prefer silence to making small talk. And, in recent years, especially since the pandemic, people of all ages find it easier to revert to their phone screens in order to avoid starting conversations at all. But, in the long run, isn’t making a human connection with someone more rewarding than connecting through a screen? 1. Remember that small talk has benefits. Angela Haupt, health and wellness editor at TIME, discussed the benefits of making small talk with Gillian Sandstrom, senior lecturer in Psychology at Sussex University in England. Pleasant exchanges, Sandstrom said, can enhance health and happiness and lift mood, energy, and well-being. They can promote learning, expand people’s world views, and contribute to a sense of belonging. Even minor social interactions, such as a smile, compliment, or quick chat, can be seen as an “act of kindness.” 2. Accept your anxiety. Understanding your fear at having to make small talk at an event or party is the first step in overcoming your anxiety, said Bernardo J., Carducci Ph.D., author of “The Pocket Guide to Making Small Talk: How to Talk to Anyone Anytime Anywhere About Anything.” Small talk apprehension, Carducci said, can make a person lose focus as they worry about what they just said, how they delivered the comment, and what they will say next. “When your attention is elsewhere,” Carducci wrote, “it is difficult to follow the conversation and think creatively.” Related: The Effects of Loneliness on Senior Health 3. Know some strategies that can help. Some ways to relax and rid yourself of these fears, he said, are to drink a few sips of water or suck on a piece of hard candy, allow yourself time to warm up and get used to the environment by sizing up the room before engaging someone in conversation, or to take a “time out” from a conversation to use the restroom or offer to refill someone’s beverage along with your own. Some other tips on small talk from Carducci and others include: Start with names. Give your name and ask for the other person’s name. Adjust your expectations. You can’t expect to hit it off and have a successful discussion with everyone you meet. If necessary, excuse yourself politely and move on to someone else. Make sure you have something to say. Carducci suggested frequently reading book reviews and movie reviews and staying current with world events, scientific discoveries, and financial trends. Think about places you have traveled and those you would like to visit. Write down these topics and review before the event. Don’t feel responsible for what you can’t control. Not everyone will respond to your conversational cues. Make eye contact. Remember to listen more and focus on what others are saying. You don’t need to control the entire conversation. Compliment the person on unique forms of expression, suggested Sandstrom. “That’s a beautiful watch you’re wearing” or “What a fascinating tattoo” are appropriate, but refrain from remarking on physical characteristics. Use a known commonality. At a party, it is perfectly fine to ask the other person how they know the host or hostess. Debra Fine, an expert on communication skills and author of “The Fine Art of Small Talk,” calls this “free information.” You’re both at a party, a baby shower, a fundraiser, etc. – use that commonality as a point of entry. Respond generously. Rather than simply replying with a “yes,” “no,” “good,” or other conversation stopper, offer a more complete response, which can lead to a richer two-way conversation. Practice makes small talk flow more easily. It’s a skill worth improving. Related: 10 Ways to Ease Loneliness As a Senior Read More Donna Brody Donna Brody is a former community college English instructor who retired to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. She enjoys freelance writing and has self published three romance novels. Besides writing and traveling with her husband, she keeps busy visiting her seven grandchildren.