Life is challenging, and aging can add to the struggles. For this 77-year-old, life seems bleak and hope has faded. He sees only one way out of his future uncertainty. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Readers: The following letter includes a mention of suicidal ideation. Please take care, should you choose to read it.
Dear Eric
At 77 years of age and receiving SSDI, I find myself about to be homeless. The charming house I’ve lived in for 20 years has been sold, my pittance of my retirement dwindles daily, the uncertainty of our government doesn’t help and I’m just tired.
I have no children. I’ve rounded up the old medication I saved and plan to crawl into bed in a few weeks and really pray that I will overdose to death. I’ve willed my body to one of the med schools so there will be no body or cremains
I’ve been “getting my affairs in order,” boxed some items and donated a lot more. I feel very calm about this.
While I am apologetic about leaving the mess of death to my friends. My family lives on the other coast, how can I leave and apologize for this inconvenience? Should I leave instructions on who to call after I pass?
– Plan
Dear Plan
When you wrote to me, I wrote back to you directly and I hope that you took this advice. I wanted to share it with a wider readership in case anyone else is in a similar position.
The long and short of it: I beg you to consider another option. I know that the future uncertainty you’re experiencing is painful and hard; I understand that you’re tired. I know it must be so emotionally grueling to face the challenges you’re facing. But please talk about what’s going on with the 988 Crisis Lifeline (dial 988 on any phone, 24 hours a day). There are people who are trained to listen and to talk you through what’s happening. You are not alone and the problems you’re facing, though difficult, are not insurmountable.
You’re asking about how to apologize for the inconvenience of handling your affairs, but wouldn’t your family and friends much prefer the chance to help you now? I know you’re exhausted, but please ask those who care about you for assistance – be it with money or a place to stay or just a listening ear. You are not an inconvenience. At our lowest moments, sometimes it’s hard to remember that we matter. But you do matter. You’re more than a list of to-dos and you’re more than your worst days. Those whom you love would surely be heartbroken to find they missed out on the chance to show you how much they love you back.
Related: A look at seniors and suicide
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and author of “Congratulations, The Best Is Over!” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
For more like this advice on the fear of future uncertainty, check out the Boomer Advice for Life department and more wisdom in Seniors Guide, like disrespectful cemetery staff, chaotic housemates, and demanding live-in-mothers.