Hearing aid users reap multiple benefits, while refusal to use these audio assistants can be harmful, even hastening cognitive problems. And though it seems that the decision to wear or not to wear should be up to the user, refusal to wear hearing aids can amplify relationship issues. Is it disrespectful to others to refuse them? Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I hosted a small party recently at which a guest (again) didn’t wear his hearing aids. He has done this often enough that I took it personally. I admit it is a pet peeve of mine to have to constantly repeat conversations to him.
When asked why he didn’t wear them, he said he doesn’t need to in small group settings when, clearly, he does. I find this disrespectful of me and others in the group. Am I overreacting and taking it too personally? Does this enter the realm of personal hygiene and thus off limits? His refusal to wear his hearing aids is affecting our relationship.
– Host
Dear Host:
While it may be inconvenient to have to repeat yourself, please remember that, for your guest, hearing loss is more than an inconvenience. Yes, social situations would go more smoothly for him if he wore his hearing aids, but his choice to forgo them isn’t an insult to you or to others. It’s how he’s navigating the world right now. He may be struggling to adjust to them; he may forget to put them in; he may find them distracting. He is in the middle of his process with them. An audiologist can, of course, suggest ways to make this transition easier for him. But, if you find yourself grimacing as you repeat yourself to him while at a party, try to extend some grace instead of reprimand. This is probably tougher for him than it is for you.
The writer’s update
Dear Eric:
Several weeks ago, I asked whether someone’s refusal to use his hearing aids was being disrespectful to me after I had asked him several times. I showed him the letter I wrote, and he took it seriously. He has started wearing them in the venues where it makes a difference to me, which is all I wanted in the first place so that has made a big improvement in our relationship.
– Win-Win
Dear Win-Win:
I’m so glad to read this for his sake and for your sake. While I love receiving letters from folks, this update illustrates a great practice that we all can employ. Sometimes it helps to just write out your thoughts or feelings on an issue. Oftentimes, I do it just for myself, so I can be clear-headed in conversation. I like that you took it a step further and used the letter as a jumping off point for a productive conversation with your friend. A lot of us struggle to find the right words to say in the face of a problem, disagreement or conflict. Writing it out and starting from there can really help heal the relationship.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and author of “Congratulations, The Best Is Over!” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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