Some friends withdraw after the writer was diagnosed with a terminal disease. With a year left to live, should she reach out to them or let it go? Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I have been diagnosed with a terminal disease (ya, it’s lousy) and my outlook is just a year or so. I have let very few people know. Most are very sympathetic and supportive, but a couple have totally withdrawn. Should I try to connect with them? Or just let it go?
I mean, there’s nothing that anyone can do, but it seems like a kind word might be in order.
– Missing Friends
Dear Friends:
I’m sorry to read about this news, but I’m glad that you’re using your time to prioritize the connections that are most important to you. Sometimes friends and loved ones, even the ones with the best intentions, don’t know the right thing to do or say when confronted with bad news. This is human but it’s also something I desperately wish we could put aside. Because time is short and it’s better to say, “I don’t know what to say,” than to say nothing at all.
You don’t owe your withdrawn friends extra effort. The question is: do you owe it to yourself? If you want to make sure you’re able to spend meaningful moments with those friends, despite their current actions, and if it would make the time you have more special, then you should reach out. Tell them, “it feels like you’ve withdrawn, and I feel sad about that. We have a finite amount of time together; I’d like you to show up, and here’s how.”
The goal is to give you every single thing that you need to meet the challenges of this next year. Now, on the other hand, if their behavior has soured you and will make for difficult moments in the near future, then let it go and focus on what uplifts you. This isn’t about preserving friendships. The friendships are what they are and your happy memories of the times you shared in the past remain yours to keep.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
Find more words of wisdom like when friends withdraw – from insensitive parents to a husband’s mid-life crisis, DNA surprises, and more:
Boomer Advice for Life department
For advice targeted to senior adults and their families – caregiving, grandparenting, retirement communities, and more: