A lazy, self-centered deadbeat son has power of attorney for his mother’s health and finances, and her extended family is concerned that he will take advantage of her. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
My sister-in-law is 75, divorced and has a useless 40-something son. He has never held a steady job. When he does get a job, he finds some excuse to quit or else says he got injured. He then comes home and eats and drinks to his heart’s content. Then he will convince her he has an opportunity, so she gives him some money, and he disappears for a while until the money runs out.
There is no evidence of physical abuse yet but plenty of yelling and telling her she’s a bad mom to manipulate her into giving him money. She has enough resources to support herself but not enough to support two people.
He currently is listed as power of attorney for health and finances on her trust but that needs to stop. She needs an outside person to take that position as she is afraid to tell the lout no.
She has never disciplined the boy and is not that great with money herself. What kind of person or firm should she hire to protect her finances from this man/boy? No one in the family wishes to deal with him either.
– Concerned
Dear Concerned:
If she wants to remove him as power of attorney, she needs to talk to her attorney, but it seems that part of the issue is that she’s not motivated or empowered to set a boundary with her son. To get her the help she needs, reach out to Adult Protective Services, a government agency that is usually associated with your state’s department of health or aging. They can investigate and they’ll protect the identity of the person who contacted them. It’s possible that there is emotional abuse or financial abuse happening here, both of which many seniors are in danger of and may not realize they’re experiencing.
In addition to involving a social service agency, if possible, please reach out to her directly about your concerns. It will help to have another perspective and a listening ear. She needs to know that she’s not alone and there are other options.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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