A 70-year-old single woman is falling for a man who admits to being a serial cheater, but otherwise he’s wonderful. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
After a lifetime of making bad choices in a husband and later boyfriends, I gladly embraced the single life and have been fully content and even joyful.
A few months ago, at age 70, I attended a dear friend’s memorial service. As I started to leave, I had a flash of connection as my eyes met those of my friend’s now-widower who I had worked with 40 years prior. We had a pleasant exchange; we then met for lunch a month later and then a few more times and there is a strong connection.
This could be something really good for both of us, but he told me that during his 60-year marriage he was a serial cheater and also that this need for “forbidden” sex with people he does not care about is just who he is. He has no remorse, and it will continue to happen in the future even if we were to be a couple.
For one thing, I’m so discouraged because other than that huge problem he is wonderful. Does this mean it’s all hopeless? I don’t connect with others easily and this has been so good for me in lots of ways.
I don’t think he is doing any of the dangerous patterns that I’ve fallen prey to in the past such as “love bombing” or any of the narcissist control tricks. So far all is good except for his honest explanation of that unsavory aspect of who he is and his clear statement that it could happen again, even at his current age of 82.
Such a shame when I have so much fun with him and we are so easily compatible.
What are your thoughts on this?
– Hopeless Romantic
Dear Romantic:
You don’t need to settle. I want to highlight the way you started your letter: after a lifetime of relationships that didn’t give you what you need, you’ve “gladly embraced the single life.” You are content and joyful. You have found a love for yourself that doesn’t need a partner’s approval or support. No matter what’s going on with this other guy, that’s the aspect you should be focusing on. You are enough.
Now, we can be happy with ourselves and still want companionship. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. But this person might be better as a friend. I don’t get the sense from your letter that you’re interested in being in an open relationship. And it sounds like the forbidden aspect is crucial for him.
So, ask yourself what’s crucial for you. If he’s a nice lunch date and fun to be around, maybe what’s best for you is putting a boundary around your relationship so that it’s not romantic or not sexual and you’re able to get what you want from it without having to give away a part of yourself.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
Find more words of wisdom, to connection after retirement, to managing illnesses, and more:
Boomer Advice for Life department
For advice targeted to seniors and their families – relationships with cheaters, whether a grumpy mood could be a sign of Alzheimer’s, caregiving, grandparenting, and more:
Asking Eric on SeniorGuide.com