Lifestyle Spouses’ Post-Retirement Chores 4/8/2024 | By Amy Dickinson After retiring from a stressful job, a man wants to spend his time relaxing, but his hard-working stay-at-home wife is hanging on to post-retirement chores. Is there a way to find middle ground? The husband asks Amy Dickinson for her advice. Dear Amy: I retired from a very stressful job three years ago. I usually worked 50 to 60 hours a week. My wife was able to quit work about 25 years ago, staying home to finish raising our son. She is amazing, and though we have been able to afford outside help, she took care of the house and cooked most of our meals. We shared yard work about 50/50, but she ended up doing more because gardening became an almost full-time hobby for her – she is a master gardener. When we had water leaks in the house, she learned how to repair and redo a lot of damaged sheetrock. She took care of the family bills and almost everything that needed doing in our life. She did not seem stressed, but I know she worked hard. Since retirement I have picked up a few duties around the house, but my wife probably still does about 60 percent inside and 75 percent outside. We both have hobbies and friends. I have suggested we downsize from our rather large house and large yard, but she does not want to. I suggested hiring cleaning help years ago (even before I retired), but she does not want that. She does not complain often about my limited contributions but when she does, she cannot understand why I don’t find yard work as fulfilling as she does. I am not bitter at all about our arrangement, but now I want to enjoy my retirement. We’re in our late 60s and have the time and energy now to enjoy our life. If I want to avoid working around the house 25 to 30 hours a week, am I in the wrong? Again, she won’t accept outside help or downsizing, both of which I am for. – Probably Lazy Dear Probably Lazy: This phase of your life is called “retirement,” and if you want to spend less time planting the roses and more time smelling them, you should! Your wife should also spend this phase of life doing what she wants to do. For gardeners, time spent in the garden is “… like a beach” (to paraphrase Emily Dickinson). What looks like work to you might be a great joy for her. You and your wife should have a formal sit-down meeting where you mutually agree to assess where you are and discuss where you are headed. This should be the first in many conversations about your future. You left your office when you retired, but when your life’s work is maintaining a household and garden, you are always surrounded by a never-ending chore list. What does retirement look like for a hyper-competent drywall-hanging worker-bee? Ask your wife! (Should you take on a regular chore, like bill paying?) Many house-proud people resist outside help. Would she be willing to hire someone to handle the mowing (or house cleaning) for a month to see how it goes? In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers – ranging from post-retirement chores to driving mom to church and the gift of fear. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. Read More Amy Dickinson