After sending a grieving relative a sympathy gift, the sender never received a thank you. Should the annoyed writer follow up? Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I sent an out-of-town relative a Sympathy Box from Amazon when her husband died, and I never received a thank you. I know she got it because I saw the picture on her porch.
She’s the kind of person that knows the rules of etiquette. Should I email/text her to ask if she received it, or let it go? If I ask, how do I do it politely?
– No Thanks
Dear No Thanks:
Let it go, please. We need to extend grace to the grieving. We need to release the need for a formal thank you note or even sometimes an acknowledgement. We need to extend our thoughts, our condolences, our help, and our gifts with no expectation. And we need to do this not because those navigating grief are exempt from the rules of etiquette, but because we are operating under the rules of empathy.
In this case, you know that the package wasn’t lost and so any concern that something went wrong can be put aside. You sent it to let your relative know you were thinking of her and to provide some items that might be helpful at a difficult time. It’s safe to assume that she felt your sentiment.
The loss of a loved one, particularly a spouse, can be so logistically and emotionally difficult. And it can remain so for a very long time. I don’t know where your relative is in her journey, but suffice it to say, a thank you note didn’t make it on to her to-do list today. That is OK. I hope – and I encourage you to hope – that instead she did whatever she needed to do to process, to grieve, and to heal.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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Like this advice what to do if you never received a thank you, read more life guidance, from lonely caregivers, managing heirlooms, rambling mothers, and more:
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