A family wants to include their sister in holiday celebrations, especially after the recent death of her husband, but their gatherings are in the family’s hometown and the sister isn’t used to traveling. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
My oldest sister recently lost her husband of 40 years. He had health issues, but his death six months ago was unexpected. They had no children. They moved away from our hometown many years ago and made a very happy life together.
My other siblings and I still live in our hometown and have always gathered on Christmas Eve with our families. We would love our sister to come “home” to be with the family this year, as it will be the first Christmas our sister will be alone. However, she is resistant.
She is not used to traveling (especially during the busy holiday season) and is not altogether comfortable navigating the airport, although the airport in her city is very efficient, and signage makes navigation easy. It’s a brief flight from her city to our hometown.
I’m torn between respecting her feelings of discomfort and being heartbroken at the thought of her spending Christmas alone. She does have many friends, but I don’t know if any of them might extend an invitation to her to join their celebrations.
How can we include our sister in holiday celebrations?
Yes, we have considered flying to her city to be with her, but then we sacrifice our Christmas Eve tradition with our own families. Is that selfish? We just want to do the right thing, and I need some perspective.
– Family Conundrum
Dear Conundrum:
Though this will be published quite close to the holiday, I hope it’s not too late to include your sister in your plans. Travel to her, full stop. Traditions are important, but they’re only as meaningful as the people who participate. So, your tradition can withstand switching or splitting into separate events for a year, or a couple of years.
Surely, it’s not feasible for everyone to pick up their families and go visit your sister, but if one or two of you can see her this year, think of how impactful that will be. Another option is to preserve the Christmas Eve tradition and fly to see her afterward, thereby creating a new tradition.
The most important thing is that the tradition continues to serve the needs of the people who uphold it. If it doesn’t, it’s time to change. Ask her what would be helpful and make your plan together.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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