A grandma admires her son and daughter-in-law’s parenting with one exception: she believes in teaching a child to wait patiently, but the parents don’t. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
While my son and daughter-in-law are raising their children quite differently than how I parented, I feel they are loving and caring, and I have expressed my support to them. However, there is one behavior that I really struggle with. The children, 5 and 8, interrupt conversations between adults with their own questions or wishes (“Look at my Barbie,” “I want potato chips”) and the parents always drop the adult conversations and engage with the child, to the extent of leaving the room with the child and leaving the adult (me) sitting, waiting to see if or when we’ll return to our chat.
I feel disrespected and as if the exchange was not important. I have tried to redirect the children myself, saying, “Yes, I’d love to color with you. I am talking to your mom right now, but I will come to you in five minutes. “
This goes nowhere and does not curb the interruptions. The parents don’t back my efforts. It seems to me that they believe the child’s “need” always takes priority, whereas I view teaching a child to wait patiently and take turns is an important social skill. Help. How can I make peace with this situation?
– Grandma on Hold
Dear Grandma:
Though this practice wouldn’t be your choice and sets a precedent with the kids that could lead to entitled pre-teens, try to remove your feeling of being disrespected from the equation. Your son and daughter-in-law are managing hundreds of large and small decisions as they try to parent in a way that’s responsible and responsive to their children.
While it’s your opinion that adult conversations ought not take a backseat to the needs and wants of the child, when they choose a different tactic, they’re not doing it because conversations with Grandma aren’t important, but rather because, in their view, every conversation has equal weight.
In short, just let them. It can feel, sometimes, like these differences in parenting styles are subtle (or not-so-subtle) referendums on the choices you made in parenting. Try to see it more expansively. They’re parenting in a different world and in a different context. But you raised your son in a way that empowers him to make decisions, even decisions that, in your view, aren’t the best.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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