Holiday rituals help families bond, aid in passing ties to younger generations, and more. Seniors Guide writer Terri L. Jones looks at the benefits of holiday traditions throughout the year and how to start new ones.
When I was first dating my husband, I was invited to his family’s Thanksgiving dinner. I brought macaroni and cheese, a dish my family on the Eastern Shore of Maryland always served. Early in the dinner, his sister informed me that their family didn’t eat mac and cheese on Thanksgiving. At that moment, her comment stung and made me feel rather out of place (even more than I did before!). However, it also served as a valuable introduction to my future family’s time-honored traditions.
As I learned about and participated in the rituals they shared (pizza and cake on Christmas Eve, Stollen bread in our Christmas stockings, Goebel Angel for my mother-in-law for her birthday every year, Easter baskets even for the adults, etc.), little by little, I began to feel like part of the family.
The important benefits of holiday traditions
All families have little rituals they’ve always practiced – from eating black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day to taking photos of the kids on their first day of school. Much like a secret handshake in clubs or other groups, these family customs convey a sense of belonging to those “in the know” and help you forge stronger bonds with the rest of your family.
Traditions also can help you share nostalgia and fond memories of past generations and reinforce cultural identity with younger or new members of the family. Maybe Great Aunt Eunice always cooked corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick’s Day or every Thanksgiving, Great Grandpa challenged one of the grandkids to a wishbone-breaking contest. Continuing these customs helps families maintain a sense of continuity and stability in an ever-changing world. According to licensed mental health counselor Natalie Capano, traditions can provide grounding and comfort during what may be a busy and sometimes stressful holiday season.
How to start new family traditions
Perhaps your family has lost its rituals as members pass or move away, your new blended family needs its own traditions, or you want to start a tradition among new friends in your community. Here are some tips on creating some.
Gather ideas.
Ask family members to put on their thinking caps and offer ideas to make holidays as well as birthdays, anniversaries, and other important occasions more special. And don’t leave out the grandchildren! Then take a vote on the traditions that you want to adopt for your clan.
Keep it simple.
It doesn’t have to be a complicated activity to be fun. “Small, enjoyable traditions, like toasting the holidays with a family-friendly beverage such as hot cocoa, can bring delight to individuals of all ages,” explains Taiwo T. Babatope, MD, child and adolescent psychiatrist with UT Physicians. You can pick a holiday story to read each year, from a religious story that reflects your faith or a fun tale. However, if you prefer your new rituals to be a little more involved, Babatope suggests adding a competition element like her family’s tradition of “Gingerbread Dream Home competitions,” where teams create “HGTV-inspired” dream homes out of gingerbread.
Add a philanthropic element.
The new family traditions you create can involve helping others like buying gifts for a family at Christmas (make every family member responsible for someone in the sponsored family), decorating cards for seniors’ birthdays at a local senior living community, or serving meals to the homeless at Thanksgiving or Easter.
Mix and match.
When newbies like spouses or stepchildren join the family, don’t disregard the traditions they’ve grown up with. Help them feel comfortable and adjust to their new family by incorporating some of their customs with your own.
Traditions like decorating sugar cookies with the grandkids every Valentine’s Day or heading to the tree farm to chop down your own Christmas tree can help your family connect; however, don’t put too much emphasis on these rituals. Sure, the benefits of holiday traditions matter, but simply spending time with your family and creating special memories is hands-down the best way to become closer. Then those one-of-a-kind traditions that your family enjoys will just be icing on the cookies!
