Connecting Across Generations

• “This generation doesn’t understand.”
• “Things are different now.”
• “Things were better before.”

Do those phrases make you cringe? Do you want to scream and say, “It’s not true!” Or do you find yourself in agreement?

Social stereotypes of different generations can be hurtful, demeaning, or wrong. Such stereotypes can get in the way of building important relationships with people of other generations, such as grandparents and grandkids or community groups and neighborhood interactions. We don’t always act, talk, or dress the same ways, and we may see the world through different lenses, but there are techniques we can use to build our bonds.

Tips for connecting across generations

1. Agree to disagree.

Opinions often vary across generations, though a person’s age doesn’t guarantee their take on a topic. Politics, religion, finances, marriage, etc.– each generation has a different life experience, with different resources and information available.

Even minor traditions have seen changes – such as candles on a birthday cake. The pandemic has made many people aware that disease can spread through blowing out the candles on a communal cake. If people at a gathering disagree on this, each individual can choose whether to eat the cake or not, recognizing what’s most important: in the end, it is just a cake, more fleeting and less important than people. We can acknowledge differences and still enjoy the party.

2. Be an active participant in the relationship.

Relationships are a “two-way street.” It’s easy to go on the defense and assume that a person not reaching out means they don’t want to hear from you. However, there could be other reasons they aren’t reaching out: stress, uncertainty that you want to hear from them, insecurity, depression. So go ahead, reach out!

Sharing the mental load of communicating shows others that you care and are thinking of them. It can be as simple as sending a picture of a shared hobby that made you think of the other person. It is an intentional phone call saying that you were reminded of them. Rather than assume that you are not wanted in a relationship, reach out. You never know whose heart you may touch.

3. Find ways to be together.

Nothing can replace the value of an in-person, hands-on experience. A trusted friend or family member gives the value of time and encouragement. In-person experiences are a way to build bonds of trust and love.

Hobbies provide an easy way to spend low-key time together. Online lessons have become common for many hobbies, but online learning does not create the connection that is so cherished between people. For example, knitting, needlework, woodworking, playing an instrument, fishing, and similar skills have often been passed down from generation to generation. If your grandchild wants to learn something, they can certainly find online guidance or take lessons. But if a grandparent has a skill, the time spent together in teaching and learning can create a rich, meaningful bond.

This investment doesn’t have to be teaching, though. It can be working on the same project at the same time or learning a totally new activity that neither of you are familiar with. This can work when you are far apart as well, creating conversation topics for when you are texting, calling, or on video.

Tips for connecting across generations when kids visit retirement homes

4. Explore activities that are outside your comfort zone.

With each generation come changes in recreation and entertainment. By exploring another person’s interests, you are showing genuine curiosity in them and what they care for. Even a conversation – a simple “tell me about it” – means a world of difference in someone’s life.

For example, say you are a parent or grandparent of a long-distance runner. You have told people in the past that the only way you will be found running is if a bear is chasing you. However, the activity is important to the other person. Support for their activity can come in many forms. It can be the willingness to cheer and watch a race, gifting running gear, or asking questions about the activity.

If you are looking for something for both of you, plan a trip that involves something you both enjoy (like a crafting festival that also has a race in the same town). Exploring activities goes both ways: say that you as the parent or grandparent are the long-distance runner. You want to have your children involved because it can be a great group activity. Your child has shown no interest in the sport but perhaps is an artist. You can involve your child by asking them to make a spectator sign for your race. Ask them about locations they would like to visit that have both a race and a famous artist museum. Be the “groupie” to each other’s interests.

While it takes “two to tango” so to speak, being willing to take the first step into something different may open everyone’s eyes to a new world together – a big step in connecting across generations.

7 reasons to start fishing

5. Kindness is king.

Regardless of age, being thoughtful with our words can speak volumes. Research suggests that choosing kindness reflects our capacity to care for others’ happiness. It also reflects our ability to care and be happy for ourselves. Choosing kind emotions elicits kind thoughts and behaviors. Speaking poorly of different generations can elicit feelings of shame, guilt, and anger. These feelings make it less likely to form a bond or at least one that endures. The adage, “you get more flies with honey than vinegar” still holds true. It is one we can all stick to no matter the generation we fall into.

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