Lifestyle Loving Your Grandchild Starts Now 2/13/2023 | By Amy Dickinson “Reluctant Grandma” isn’t thrilled about her grandbaby, due to be born to her son and his girlfriend. See what advice columnist Amy Dickinson says about the time to start loving your grandchild. Dear Amy: I know I’m old-fashioned, but I still think I’m right! My son has been dating a young lady for about six months. They live together. She has a 3-year-old child and no relationship with that child’s father. Now she and my son are expecting a child of their own. I am not thrilled. He is 29 and she is 24. They would like me to host a baby shower for them. I’m sure I will love the baby, but I am not comfortable asking friends and family to celebrate this pregnancy. I don’t want to alienate them, but I really don’t want to do this. I did offer to host a wedding for them. I think parents should be married. –Reluctant Grandma Dear Reluctant: If you don’t want to host a shower for the baby, then perhaps the child’s mother has someone in her life who will step up. If you refuse to celebrate this pregnancy, and you won’t ask, expect, or encourage others to celebrate this pregnancy, then – aside from the couple’s marital status – this baby is already starting life disadvantaged. Baby showers are intended to create a circle of support for expectant parents, but they are really supposed to be about the baby. Your old-fashioned standards are putting quite a burden on a baby that didn’t ask to come into this world and hasn’t been born yet. Imagine the difference for a child that is born into an accepting and welcoming relationship with its grandmother, versus a grandmother that disapproves of and is disappointed by its existence because of the parents’ marital status. It is understandable and natural not to be thrilled by an unexpected pregnancy to unmarried parents who haven’t been together for very long. But the time to start the process of loving your grandchild is now. In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers – ranging from loving your grandchild to worries about eldercare to grandparenting and siblings. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. © 2023 by Amy Dickinson Click here to read more Ask Amy columns curated for a baby boomer audience. Read More Amy Dickinson