Aging In Place How to Ask for Help with Caregiving 12/17/2024 | By Eric J. Wallace Caring for someone who is ailing takes a toll on the caregiver. These four key strategies can make it easier to reach out to friends and family to ask for help with caregiving. Caring for a partner or other loved one who is struggling with the symptoms of age-related physical and/or cognitive decline can take a tremendous toll – and the impacts only worsen as impairment increases. In fact, a growing body of researchhas linked serving as an informal primary caretaker to a laundry list of potential detrimental effects like higher rates of depression, chronic stress, social deprivation, sleep problems and cardiovascular disease. What’s more, these problems are exacerbated among caretakers who face the situation alone. According to community-based nonprofit, Family Caregiver Alliance, “In order to keep providing [effective] care, family caregivers understandably need the support of others to help express and manage their own emotions.” The problem is, “Many family caregivers are unsure of where to find the support they need, especially when the person that has been their ‘shoulder to lean on’ for so long is no longer available.” Reaching out to close friends and family is a great place to start, but it isn’t always easy to do. These tips can help caretakers thoughtfully and effectively ask for the support they need – and get a resounding “yes” in response. Four important strategies to ask for help with caregiving 1. Assess the situation and form your caregiving team When it comes to serving as a primary informal caregiver, the more help you have, the better off you’ll be. Start by making a comprehensive list of close friends and family that live within reasonable driving distance of your home. Consider their health, personal responsibilities, and schedule. Your adult son who commutes to a full-time job will likely have less daytime availability than your recently retired sister-in-law who lives across town. But could he spare an hour or two on a weeknight or weekend? Next, list daily and weekly caregiving tasks that you could use help with. This could include everything from organizing medications to doctors’ visits, grocery shopping, housecleaning, meal planning, and cooking. Then rank entries by priority and ease of execution. Be sure to schedule time for things like personal medical appointments or a quiet walk around the park. This list will help you determine the people you can call on for support and prepare you to discuss specific tasks and what, exactly, they entail. 2. Be clear and to the point Clear communication is the key to both securing help and setting your support team up for success. Think about requests in advance and seek to explain them as concisely as possible. You don’t need to overelaborate. Simply describe the task, explain why it matters, what it involves, and how much time it will take. Try to be as specific as possible. That way the person knows exactly what you’re asking of them. For example, say you’d like your college-aged grandson to provide company and support to your loved one while you lunch with friends. Discuss time schedules, how long you expect to be away, and what he needs to do while you’re gone. Will he have to check insulin levels or serve a meal? Does he know how to operate the thermostat and the audiobook device? Clear instructions set expectations and nix uncertainty-related discomfort in advance. Lastly, be open to negotiation. Your grandson may not feel comfortable watching the person alone but might enjoy helping prepare a few meals. Remember, the goal here is to create a space where you can openly talk with loved ones about how much or what kind of support they can offer and reach a solution that benefits everyone. 3. Be personable, not transactional Emails and texts are convenient, but conversations around caregiving are best had face-to-face. For one thing, recent studies have shown the method is 67% more likely than video or audio calls to net a “yes” when asking for favors. But the point here is intimacy. Think about the request you’re making and how a person’s skills, expertise, or relationship with the loved one makes them particularly suited to the task. This will let you frame your ask in a manner that casts them as a uniquely helpful person rather than an interchangeable aide. It also sets the person up to reap positive psychological benefits – like a heightened sense of competence, self-esteem, and self-efficacy – that have been associated with intermittent caretaking experiences. While it may seem logical to offer a return favor, don’t. Emphasizing reciprocity can make your request seem transactional. And you’re overwhelmed as it is. Instead, simply express your resounding gratitude and appreciation for the help. 4. Say thanks and share results Saying thanks helps people feel your gratitude, and experiencing the emotion has been linked to a greater overall sense of happiness and wellbeing. Hypercharge the effect by explaining how others’ efforts specifically and positively benefited you. Say your daughter-in-law volunteered to watch your wife for a few hours while you took some alone time in a café. You could describe how relaxed you feel when you get back, then follow-up with a phone call about how her visit boosted your partner’s mood for days on end. This lets your daughter-in-law know her help mattered, was effective, and brought positive impacts. Related: Tips to Help Caregivers Maintain Their Well-Being Related: Self-Care and Caregiving: Accepting Help Read More Eric J. Wallace Eric J. Wallace is a career journalist who writes about food, drink, the outdoors, and the wondrous intersection thereof. His work has appeared in noteworthy publications like “WIRED,” “Best American Food Writing,” “Outside,” “Backpacker,” “Reader's Digest,” “Atlas Obscura,” “All About Beer,” “Modern Farmer,” and “VinePair.”