11/21/2022 | By Amy Dickinson

A woman who has recently lost her life partner isn’t ready for the attentions of a widower who is wooing her, but fears cutting ties entirely. See what advice columnist Amy Dickinson advises to this widow who needs time to heal.

Dear Amy: 

Just eight weeks ago, I lost my companion of 20 years. My grief is real.

Approximately three weeks ago, I received a friend request on social media (along with a private message) from a man I had not seen in over 40 years. I knew him briefly as a child, connected with him and his family one time after childhood, and didn’t even know he moved to this area.

He expressed sadness for my loss, and we exchanged telephone numbers.

Now, he calls every day and asks me if I want to get together for lunch, coffee, or anything my heart desires. 

I’m not ready for that, and told him so. He says he will respect my wishes, and yet he continues to contact me every day.

widow needing time to heal from the loss of her spouse, sitting at a table looking out of the widow.

He lost his wife over a year ago, so I can understand he’s ready for more than I am at this point.

A part of me says to cut ties now because he won’t take no for an answer, and another part of me understands that he’s probably lonely. He may be a wonderful companion for me several months from now.

How should I handle this?


Dear Sleepless: 

You should explain to this man that his persistence is not having the effect he might desire, and that it is actually delaying the healing you require.

Tell him you’ll meet with him only when you’re ready, and don’t take his calls unless (or until) you are interested in talking.

Related: When to Start Dating Again as a Widow or Widower

Are you a widow needing time to heal or want to get even more life tips from Amy? Read more of her advice columns here!

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart – ranging from widows needing time to heal to DNA surprises. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068

Amy Dickinson