‘The Blossoming of Women’: An Excerpt

The transformation from older to elder requires an ability to turn away from the many distractions of modern culture, distractions that are deeply embedded in beliefs about our uselessness in old age. The expectations of old age in modern culture keep a person, a female in particular, from moving into a new identity. A Western attitude assumes respect for a woman solely based on youth. Older women wither away from self-criticism, grieving loss of beauty, family, or career. Lacking cultural appreciation for age and the wisdom that comes from aging, older people fail to appreciate themselves. This is an unretractable loss for us all. I believe you become an elder when you accept your age with appreciation and honor your responsibility to others. When you take on a role as artist or teacher, healer, or spiritual guide to assist those in your community to develop their gifts, you are an elder.

According to Erik Erikson, one of the most well-known psychoanalysts of the twentieth century, there are eight stages of psychosocial development, and each stage requires a crisis. Human development ends in ego-integrity, which is the integration of the accomplishments from previous stages. The “accomplishments” are levels of independence characterized by increased identity-building and autonomy. The final accomplishment of integrity and wisdom is not guaranteed by age but by successful transitions over one’s lifetime. Positive resolution of each stage may allow wisdom in one’s old age; however, most are broken by the climb up the ladder and feel only despair and disappointment at the end of life. Erickson characterizes this distress as a failure to resolve the challenges of each stage and to integrate the character-building opportunities.

While Erikson’s model provides a useful understanding of many aspects of human development across the lifespan, it does not consider how or why women often show increased affinity for the dimension of oneness, for unity, in late life.

If men achieve a more defined sense of self through separation and competitive ability, women grow by means of relational affinity and empathy. In some respects, the very goal of aging diverges between men and women. Following Erikson’s model, maturation is the process of becoming more self-reliant and independent; however, there is significant shortsightedness in the presumption that anyone can exist without support from others. Jean Miller, director of education at the Stone Center for Developmental Services and Studies at Wellesley College, provides a powerful reconsideration of aging when she questions the traditional theory that development of the self is attained through a series of painful crises by which the individual accomplishes a sequence of allegedly essential separations from others, thereby achieving individuation. “Few men ever attain such self-sufficiency, as every woman knows. They are usually supported by wives, mistresses, mothers, secretaries, nurses and other women.” We all live within a network of relationships, dependent on support from others. When we are aware of these relationships, we act with empathy, becoming more sensitive individuals who respond to others and experience the empowering energy of connection.

For Native Americans, respecting the land and the wisdom it gives them is similar to the mutuality sought by females. Growth in connection is a goal honored by tribal people whose community is all-important and for whom the natural world is viewed as a spiritual entity, their mother and Great Spirit.

Elders have always made important contributions to the young in their families and their communities. Elder councils in tribal societies provide a balancing perspective to consider the long-term results, always considering the effects on seven generations beyond themselves. Elders in the Western world currently hold power in their numbers to alter the direction of culture and political reality to ensure an enduring, abundant world. They can be like the elder councils of tribes, directing us toward greater health.

Whether we look for the influence of elders as a political movement or as individuals, we need to see the richness. Older women, females still bound by earlier life values, are often judgmental of those who have broken away from the expectations of others; they are not open to beginning again. The unusual choices that many elders make in the last part of their lives are not “attractive.” To be drawn to caring for the homeless on our streets or apes in Africa or to join hospice to sing to the dying requires a movement from within and the open arms of universal love. Elders, like the women you will meet later in this book, follow a desire from deep inside to care for others, to heal like the mythical Chiron.

Women who fail to respond to the transformational challenge presented in late life miss the magic of a new beginning. These are the ones we call older, hanging onto the same old identity and doing the same old imitation of their former selves. Those who follow one of the paths of transformation described in the following chapters find renewal and answers to the questions of “What am I going to do with myself?” and “What is this time for?” The gift of additional decades of life does have meaning in giving us an opportunity to discover our life purpose, the unique reason we were created. We are each one-of-a-kind and have our own stories to tell.

About ‘The Blossoming of Women’

In 1990, author Karen Roberts was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and her life took a decidedly different path. Although she didn’t know it at the time, her healing crisis became a gift, and she ultimately realized that one can approach the elder years as a time of profound personal and interpersonal growth. This led her to writing “The Blossoming of Women: A Workbook on Growing from Older to Elder.”

Roberts’ book is filled with inspiration and valuable information, including interviews with eight women who confronted daunting challenges, yet whose perseverance and inner faith led them to pursue incredible late-life passions. Their stories will open readers to new possibilities, encouraging them to follow a different vision of the elder years, welcome the unknowns, grow from crises, and transform to a deeper self.

Beautiful four-color images of nature support the uplifting spirit of the essays and stories, and each chapter in the book closes with questions women can use for self-reflection, contemplation, and discussion.

‘The Blossoming of Women: A Workbook on Growing from Older to Elder,’ by Karen Roberts: Gala & Friends, Inc. (July 1, 2023)

An inspiring elder: An Elder Psychiatrist Still Helping Others