Elder Exes Want to Reignite the Flame

My relationship with my ex is very good and we speak often.

At the time of this affair, we had four children, ranging in age from 13 to 20. They are all grown now with families of their own, and after several tough years, they all understand and are good with everything.

My ex hooked up with a guy she went to junior high school with before I even moved out of the house – she eventually married him. I understood why she did all that.

The thing is, it’s like that song, “Escape (The Piña Colada Song).”

My ex and I realize that we had the best times together, and I’ve wondered if we could reignite the flame.

The people we are with now have been good for us. We’re both more stable and financially secure than we would be if we’d stayed together.

But it’s no fun.

We obviously can’t get a do-over, but it’s also no fun this way. Neither of our mates would appreciate our getting together for some fun times. 

Have you ever heard of such a thing – and what advice, if any, can you give?

– Want to Escape

Dear Escape: 

To recap the plot of this wonderful ear-worm, two former lovers who have moved on to other relationships realize afterward that they both love piña coladas and walking in the rain. In short, this song is about reconnecting with a previous love.

The cynic in me says that this is something you should have realized before you had an affair and blew up your marriage. I also believe that fun and joy are qualities you can try to bring to your current long-term relationships.

The romantic in me says that you and your ex obviously believe that you are on a path leading to fun and passion. Given that you are both entering your elder years, you might see the chance to reignite the flame as a last chance at revisiting your youth and repairing some of the mistakes you made.

Yes, divorced couples do sometimes reconcile after many years apart. And a percentage of those couples (an estimated 30 percent) break up again.

If you choose this particular “walk in the rain,” I suggest you make this choice with much more care and compassion toward your current partner than you showed the last time.

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers – ranging from couple who want to reignite the flame to grandparenting to elder care. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.