10/31/2022 | By Amy Dickinson

Are you still financially supporting a grown child? One woman is, and she gets nothing but grief in return. See what advice columnist Amy Dickinson advises in this edition of “Ask Amy.”

Dear Amy:

I am a 75-year-old mother and grandmother. I live with my 55-year-old daughter and 35-year-old step-grandson.

My problem is with my daughter, my only child. The only time she is nice to me is when she wants something. She is critical of everything I do and constantly says hurtful things to me and my grandson.

I’ve thought so many times about moving, but knowing that she can’t make it without my Social Security income keeps me there.

She has a good job but spends the majority of her earnings on weed.

My grandson is just the opposite: loving, caring, helpful and understanding.

I just want to enjoy the rest of my life without the depression and hurt I’m experiencing now. I’m exhausted from walking on eggshells.

Should I (and my grandson) stay or go?

Hurting Heart

Related: Elder Abuse: What Are The Signs?

Dear Hurting:

moving out from financially supporting your adult child

Go! Your grandson sounds like a responsible person. If you two have a good rapport, it might be a good idea to seek housing together. You might also consider sharing housing with another senior.

You may qualify for elder housing designed for lower-income seniors, or other programs that could offer you a way to supplement your income (if needed) in order to live on your own. Check with your local Office on Aging for housing and other opportunities in your area.

You feel a lot of pressure to support your daughter because you believe she needs your income. But what you are actually doing is supporting her weed habit. She uses you, you enable her, and there you all are – trapped in a toxic triangle.

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and herheart – ranging from a mother financially supporting a grown child relationships to DNA surprises. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194,Freeville, NY 1306

© 2022 by Amy Dickinson

Amy Dickinson