Lifestyle Eight Conversation Starters for Elders 9/25/2023 | By Terri L. Jones While we know that spending time with elderly loved ones is important, the discomfort of not knowing just what to talk about can dissuade us from visiting as much as we should. Seniors Guide writer Terri Jones suggests eight conversation starters for elders that change the experience from uncomfortable to memorable. It may sometimes feel daunting to start a conversation with someone who is much older than you. Even if you’re related or know them well, you may feel you have little in common. Besides the chronological divide, the everyday things you talk to your peers about, like politics, books, or restaurants, may not feel relevant to them. While the typical conversation starters may not work well with someone in the previous generation, there are an infinite number of other topics that could. Below we’ve offered a few thought-provoking questions that can naturally spark lively conversations. Don’t pepper the person with all these questions; they’ll feel that they’re being interrogated. Just use whichever questions you need and develop the conversation from there. Conversation starters for elders 1. What’s your favorite __? Start with something simple. If your dad loves music, ask him about his favorite musician of all time. Your neighbor who’s travelled all over the world would probably love to tell you about the destination she loved the most. Questions about the senior’s favorites are an easy way to get them talking, and they also give you a chance to share your own favorites with them. 2. What’s the secret to your longevity? When my grandmother was 92, I asked for her secret to a long, healthy life. She didn’t even pause before responding: oatmeal and blueberries for breakfast every single day. You can find plenty of scientific guidance about longevity online and at the doctor’s office, but the most effective – and interesting – tips and tricks may be more anecdotal, coming from the older people in your life. 3. What invention or discovery had the biggest impact on you? Your older friends have lived through a cavalcade of new technology, breakthroughs, and products that changed life as they knew it. Ask them which ones they have appreciated the most and why. Follow up that question with how they imagined the future when they were younger. Did they think they’d be able to telephone someone from a car or cook a meal in five minutes? Ask how they imagine things may change for their grandkids. As conversation starters for elders go, this one can really put the past century in perspective. 4. What’s your best career advice? My mother, who rose through the ranks to CEO of her company, was generous with career advice not only to me and my sister but also to strangers she met everywhere! More times than we can remember, we heard how she convinced her boss that she’d be better at selling paint (to male contractors, in the ’70s no less) than typing his letters. Your relatives and older friends will probably also gladly give you their two cents on the secrets to a happy and successful career. 5. What are the most memorable things you’ve ever done? What monumental experience or event would your mom or dad, aunt or uncle not have missed for a million dollars? Maybe it was when they met a president or an actor, hiked to the top of a mountain, or simply conquered their fears to sing a solo at church? Hearing about their life-changing experiences may inspire you to put something similar on your own bucket list! 6. What was your finest moment? There are probably many accomplishments that they are proud of, but what does this senior consider to be their greatest success in life (besides their kids!)? When I asked my stepmom, she pondered the question for quite a while and then told me the story of how, as a board member and volunteer for Habitat for Humanity, she helped save the nonprofit from closing its doors in her city. More than 20 years later, she is still very proud of her contributions, as am I! 7. Have you been happy? After you’ve succeeded in getting your older companion talking, probe a little more deeply. Ask them if their life has been a happy one. If so, to what do they attribute that happiness? Maybe it’s a loving family or a strong religious faith. For my 87-year-old aunt, who had an unfaithful, alcoholic husband and now lives on a fixed income with numerous health issues, it was something simpler but, for most people, harder to achieve: she doesn’t let the small stuff get to her. That’s a state of mind we all should aspire to! Related: Creating authentic happiness 8. How would you like to be remembered? You’ve talked for a while and succeeded in getting this older person to open up. Now wrap it all up by asking them how they want to be remembered – in other words, what they’d want someone to say in their obituary or eulogy. This gets to the heart of what they have found important in life and the kind of person they are – or at least would like to be. With people in our day-to-day lives, we typically just skim the surface with idle chit-chat. However, these conversation starters for elders can help us take deeper dives into their lives and experiences so you can know them on a much more meaningful level. We guarantee that you’ll never regret the time spent! Read More Terri L. Jones Terri L. Jones has been writing educational and informative topics for the senior industry for over ten years, and is a frequent and longtime contributor to Seniors Guide.