Lifestyle

3/6/2023 | By Amy Dickinson

“Can you hear me now?” Yes, but I don’t want to! A reader expresses annoyance at cellphone use in public – especially loud and personal. See what advice columnist Amy Dickinson has to say in this edition of “Ask Amy.”

Dear Amy: 

What words of advice would you have for addressing someone who is in a public place having a very public, loud, and personal phone conversation on their Bluetooth earbuds (or cellphones in general)?

I’m completely baffled as to why someone does this, but I see it all the time – in grocery stores, business offices – you name it.

No one wants to hear it, and it personally makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

– KQ, in Kentucky

Dear KQ: 

I believe the reason people tend to yell into their cellphones while they are using earphones or earbuds is because they can’t actually hear themselves very well … because their ears are plugged by their earbuds.

People tend to quickly believe that they are isolated when engaged in a private cellphone conversation – even in a public space.

Landlines (remember those?) have microphones in the earpiece so speakers can hear themselves. Cellphones don’t seem to utilize this function as well.

cellphone use in public

The so-called “Lombard effect” describes the human tendency to raise our voice to match the noise around us, even when this is unnecessary.

Yes – I share your annoyance at cellphone use in public!

I’d like to augment this gripe by adding an additional annoyance: People who use FaceTime in public.

I understand that all grandparents find their grandchildren adorable and compelling but must they visit with these children over FaceTime at a crowded restaurant? And again with the yelling!

Listeners tend to experience more annoyance at cellphone use in public than they are by overheard in-person conversations because we only overhear one side of the conversation. Our brain can’t help but be distracted as it tries to fill in the missing pieces. This is especially true if someone is YELLING.

Only one time have I actually confronted someone doing this. I approached a man who had shared some extremely sensitive and proprietary information over the phone while sitting right next to me at a Starbucks. I told him I was a reporter and had been taking notes. (Did this caution work, long term? I doubt it.)

I am deliberately dodging your actual question, because – other than trying to make eye contact and putting your finger to your lip in the universal “shhhhh” gesture – I don’t know how to respond to these loud intrusions.

Readers will want to weigh in … using your indoor voices, please!

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers – ranging from cellphone use in public to a bossy friend to elder care. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.

Amy Dickinson