12/6/2021 | By Seniors Guide Staff

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency

A couple gives their daughter the wedding of her dreams, only to learn that of their adult daughter’s lack of manners hurt extended family and possibly other guests. What should these disappointed parents do now? Should they feel responsible for her rudeness and poor wedding etiquette? See what advice columnist Amy Dickinson has to say.

Dear Amy:

My daughter said that she got the wedding of her dreams.

Family and friends came from far and wide to celebrate her nuptials.

It was lovely in every respect, and both her mother and I were thrilled that things went as she wanted.

However, she was so caught up as the center of attention that she ignored the common tradition of greeting each table and saying a few words to their guests.

Even after I asked her to speak to the guests, she ignored my brother and sister and their families entirely.

He let me know the next day how hurt they were.

Her mother and I were crushed and had no idea that she had neglected them in this way.

Of course, I will strongly recommend making amends for her lack of manners to these relatives.

I feel I failed as a parent and failed my daughter by not being aware of this fault at that time.

I thought that we had raised her better. She’s 34 now.

What would you suggest I add to our conversation?

– Deflated Post Wedding

Dear Deflated:

Rather than add to your conversation with your daughter, I suggest that you take away something: Your own sense of embarrassment, shame, and any responsibility you might be tempted to assume for her rudeness and lack of wedding etiquette.

You prompted her at her reception to do the right thing. She ignored your prompt.

Yes, she is an adult. This behavior – whether it was an oversight or deliberate – is her responsibility.

Not only is greeting one’s wedding guests basic wedding etiquette – it is also simply a “nice” thing to do, and for many people would be instinctual.

You and your wife should tell her, “Your aunt and uncle let us know that they were so disappointed that you didn’t take the time to greet them at the wedding. This would have taken you two minutes, and it would have made them feel appreciated. We hope you will choose to make things right, by apologizing to them.”

Related: After a seemingly idyllic childhood, two grown daughters tell their mother they had a terrible childhood. Mom is crushed.

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers – ranging from an adult daughter’s lack of manners to DNA surprises. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.

© 2021 by Amy Dickinson

Click here to read more Ask Amy columns curated for a baby boomer audience.

Seniors Guide Staff

Seniors Guide has been addressing traditional topics and upcoming trends in the senior living industry since 1999. We strive to educate seniors and their loved ones in an approachable manner, and aim to provide them with the right information to make the best decisions possible.

Seniors Guide Staff