Spending time with someone with Alzheimer’s or other dementias can be difficult, since relating to them can be different from what it was before. These dementia communication tips can help you maintain the relationship, for the benefit of you both.
When a friend or family member has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or other type of dementia, you want to support them, but you may be anxious about how to interact with them now. Will it be awkward to carry on a conversation? What if they don’t even remember you?
Consider the alternative: rejecting that person or disappearing from their life. After one senior wrote of her pain in experiencing just such rejection, another person shared, “We all have the opportunity as family and friends to learn how to care for and be supportive of our loved ones with dementia. Perhaps those of us with healthy brains even have a social responsibility to do so. Friends worth keeping will not run away from but rather run toward those living with dementia.”
Maintaining your relationship with someone with dementia can be challenging; however, not only will it keep them from becoming isolated, but it may also boost their self-esteem and could even slow their cognitive decline. It’s also just the right thing to do, especially for someone you care about.
More than 6 million Americans are living with dementia. Just as you would try to learn the native language of a country where you’re living, you should also understand how to interact with those who have dementia.
7 dementia communication tips for your toolbox
With these dementia communication tips, we try to de-mystify and facilitate this interaction.
1. Get informed.
First and foremost, it’s important to understand exactly what’s happening to your friend or family member. “I recommend education about what is happening in the brain, how to adapt communication and approach, and how to improve engagement with someone living with brain changes like dementia,” says Lois J. Thomas, RN, BSN, CDP, who is a dementia specialist at the Dementia Institute. “These are important to maintaining relationships, providing good support and building skills to partner in care.”
2. Introduce yourself.
When you first engage with a person with dementia, don’t assume that they know who you are, Thomas advises. Instead of just saying hello or asking if they remember you, she suggests introducing yourself: “Hey Linda, it’s Jan!” She also suggests making a “positive personal connection” with that person, such as complimenting their necklace or a new hairstyle. Use as few words as possible while also pointing to the object to which you’re referring.
3. Get the conversation rolling.
It’s easy to start a conversation with most people by talking about what’s going on in the world or in your daily lives. However, when someone’s short-term memory is compromised, they may not be able to recall these current events anymore. On the other hand, “Long-term events are stored in a different part of the brain. That part of the brain, the cerebellum, is not affected by dementia like the hippocampus where your new memories are stored,” explains Thomas.
To engage a person with dementia, try tapping into their old memories, like the time you both got sun poisoning when your dad took you fishing or when you and your friend rode through the streets of Montreal in a rickshaw (with that very handsome driver!). To get the conversation rolling, you can also ask a question like, “What was the best trip you’ve ever taken?” Thomas advises telling them your favorite travel story first to get them on the right track.
4. Never lead with “remember when …”
When you’re tapping into these old memories, avoid asking them if they remember. Simply make a statement, “When you took me fishing when I was 13, I got sun poisoning and my back peeled for weeks. Mom was so angry at us.” If they remember, it’ll be fun to reminisce, but if they don’t, you’re not setting them up for frustration and embarrassment.
5. Be respectful.
When speaking with someone with dementia, stand or sit close and at eye level with that person and make eye contact while you’re talking. Speak clearly and slowly and use short, basic sentences. Be patient, allowing them to process and respond, and avoid trying to finish their sentences if they are struggling.
At the same time, don’t talk down to them. According to mLearn.org, which offers caregiver training, that includes avoiding baby talk, which not only doesn’t work neurologically but is insulting, too.
6. Give them choices.
We all get overwhelmed by having too many choices now and again, but having a plethora of options is especially difficult for those living with dementia. With Alzheimer’s disease, in particular, too many choices can cause extreme confusion because the person is not able to retain enough information about the various choices to come to a decision. For example, your mom might spend an inordinate amount of time trying to pick out an outfit for a family dinner. If she’s struggling, don’t go to the opposite extreme and tell her what to wear. Instead, try offering her two options and if she still can’t decide, gently suggest one and get her agreement.
7. Step into their reality.
When you greet your friend with dementia, they may ask you to take them home, even though they are already in their own home. Instead of correcting them, join their reality. Karen Stobbe, a career actor whose mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, suggests using improvisational acting skills to step into their world. Respond with “Yes, and tell me about where you live.” Stobbe says that validating what they believe to be true “allows the conversation to continue in a more positive way and leads to less frustration.”
Related: Improv for Dementia – Interaction Methods for Memory Loss Patients
For more information, training, and dementia communication tips:
The Dementia Institute offers classes, consultations, support groups, resources, and more to improve the well-being of those with dementia as well as their caregivers.
In the Moment, founded by Karen Stobbe, offers practical information for caregivers, tips on improvisation, and other resources.
