She’s struggling with Alzheimer’s and is aware of her limitations as well as the loneliness that has surrounded her. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in on managing Alzheimer’s and isolation.
Dear Eric:
I was diagnosed some years ago with Alzheimer’s. My husband of 45 or so years is wonderful, but even he and many of my friends do not understand that I no longer have choices. I know they all mean well, but I have always been a very social person. I love to sing, having taken two years of voice lessons. I love to dance and watch movies, do jigsaw puzzles, word search puzzles and more.
As I no longer drive, thank God, there are days when I do not see or hear from anyone. I know lots of people, and I get lonely and sometimes cry. I have come to terms with Alzheimer’s. It is the lack of social events that brings me down.
I am lonely. What do you suggest?
– Wanting Company
Dear Company:
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re lonely. It doesn’t have to be this way. Illnesses like Alzheimer’s disease can be isolating, but there are ways that your friends and your husband can show up for you. Start by writing down a list of social connections that you’re missing and share it with your husband. Ask him to help by thinking through alternatives or modifications that meet you where you are. You and your care team know your capacity. While some things might not be workable anymore, prompting your husband to think creatively might open some new doors for you. As you write, he means well, but it would appear he’s not fully grasping some of the most difficult parts of your experience.
This isn’t your problem to solve alone, of course. But giving your husband – and, perhaps, close friends – concrete ways they can show up for you may make them better advocates and give you back some of the connection you’re seeking.
Additionally, you may want to make use of an Alzheimer’s support group – online or in person. You can find great resources at alz.org. Not only do these groups connect you with people who understand what you’re going through, but they’ll also provide meaningful social connections.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and author of “Congratulations, The Best Is Over!” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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