Nurturing positive dementia interactions in public helps us all. It directly benefits those experiencing dementia and their caregivers while creating more supportive, compassionate communities.
Compassionate communication with a person with dementia – whether a loved one or a stranger you meet in public – can help that person feel respected, safe, and valued. Relating positively to those with dementia is important for everyone: family, friends, health care professionals, first responders, retail and restaurant workers – and the rest of us.
The problem
An unseen problem lurks in plain sight. Six million Americans experience dementia, losing many of the social skills that carried them through adulthood. When the rest of us fail to understand their challenges, we add unnecessarily to their stress and confusion. On the other hand, if we can practice empathy, patience, and understanding, we can support the individuals with dementia as well as their caregivers, creating more supportive, compassionate communities for all.
Imagine waking up in a world that feels strangely out of focus. Names slip away, routines blur, and conversations feel like puzzles with missing pieces. For millions living with dementia this is daily life. Learning how to interact with someone with dementia is more than just kindness – it’s a vital skill in a world where cognitive decline touches more families every year.
Or imagine that you’re that person’s caregiver, perhaps a partner or adult child. Getting out of the house is necessary, for errands and sanity. The insecurity of wondering how strangers will react can make forays into public places stressful or keep the caregivers sequestered at home.
Even extended family situations can be fraught with stress – and cruelty – if understanding and empathy are lacking. One woman shared such a story.
In the early ’90s, when [my grandfather] was really struggling with dementia, he bought a brown wig and started to dye his eyebrows and mustache to match it.
One Mothers’ Day, we all met at my grandparents’ house before going to their country club for lunch. Most of us were in the breakfast room when my grandfather came downstairs, dressed impeccably in his three-piece suit, his shaggy wig slightly askew, and his mustache and eyebrows dyed a jarring shade of magenta.
He had left the dye in too long, which happened sometimes. He never noticed and that day was obviously proud of his appearance. Nobody else was. When my grandfather entered the room, my grandmother said, “Oh, for God’s sake, Fred,” and turned away.
“For f***’s sake,” my uncle Rob swore under his breath. Maryanne said, “Jesus Christ, Dad, you can’t go out looking like that.” Donald simply ignored his father and left the room. He didn’t look at or speak to my grandfather for the rest of the day.
Related: Friends Disappear After Dementia Diagnosis
The solutions
The solutions to improving dementia interactions in public can be as simple as individuals vowing to be more mindful and compassionate in their interactions. Solutions can be official, too, such as businesses training staff to welcome individuals with dementia and their caregivers.
Kinsey Gidick wrote in The Food Section of finding restaurants where she could take her mom, who had been diagnosed with dementia three years earlier. Gidick stumbled upon businesses in Culpeper, Virginia, with decals proclaiming, “We are Dementia Friendly.” Such businesses offer staff the background understanding and skills to better communicate with these customers.
Strategies for dementia interactions in public places
Seniors Guide writer Terri L. Jones offers five examples of situations that could affect professionals working with the public and tips for successful and mindful dementia interactions in public spaces. The strategies can be useful tools for us all.
Just because you don’t personally know anyone with dementia right now, it’s inevitable that you will encounter someone with this disease. Maybe you’re a waitress serving a man who can’t decide what to order. Or you could be a cashier ringing up a purchase for a woman who is unable to figure out how much money to give you. You may simply be a passenger on a bus sitting next to someone who tells you the same story over and over again.
Some people with dementia will wear a button or T-shirt identifying their illness. Families may make others aware. But in other cases, you may not know for sure. Simply understanding the challenges of those with dementia may help you alleviate someone’s frustration and confusion as well as ease the burden for the caregiver.
1. Stay at eye level and make eye contact.
If you’re a pastor speaking to a parishioner with dementia, stand or sit at eye level, where they can see and hear you well. Also try to make and sustain eye contact while you’re talking to them.
2. Speak slowly and clearly.
Perhaps you’re a barber and cutting the hair of a new customer with dementia. Use simple sentences when you speak to the customer and be direct. Allow the person time to process what you’ve said and respond. If they don’t understand, you may need to repeat or rephrase your statement, but try to do so patiently.
3. Don’t take it personally.
A new patient comes into your dental office to have his teeth cleaned and his wife pulls you aside to tell you that her husband has dementia. She warns you that he may flirt with you or say something inappropriate. Lois J. Thomas, RN, BSN, CDP, who is a dementia specialist at the Dementia Institute, explains, “It’s the disease talking.” She advises that people shouldn’t take it personally and let it upset or offend them.
4. Don’t correct.
Maybe a customer asks to sit at a particular table, but once you seat them, they deny they ever wanted to sit there. Asking a person with dementia to recall what they just did is like asking a blind person to see. Avoid correcting that person or blaming them. Instead, ask them where they’d like to sit or consult their caregiver and then graciously reseat them.
5. Be respectful.
Dementia can affect someone’s self-esteem, identity, and confidence level. If you work with seniors, it’s important to give those with dementia the same respect you would any other person. The staff at Primrose Retirement Communities puts this guidance into practice. According to David H., the son of a resident at Primrose of Pleasant Prairie, “[They] took the time to learn about my mom and her unique needs, ensuring she felt valued and respected every day. The Silver Lace Memory Care program has a very person-centered approach and provides my mom with a safe and nurturing environment tailored to her well-being.”
The U.S. White House Conference on Aging recognized the need to increase awareness about dementia in our communities, adopting Dementia Friendly America (DFA) as a national initiative in 2015. Now spanning 43 states, DFA offers resources, education and support to help those with dementia live, engage and thrive in their communities.
Related: Dementia Communication Tips
